Quantified MILF

Number 5: Heidi Klum

MILF metrics:

1. Age: 39 (still in her prime)

2. Popped sprogs (kids): 4 (loves it)

3. Botox density: 0

4. Plastic surgery scale: 0

5. Net worth: $70m

6. Spouse - douchebag or lad?: She’s currently dating her bodyguard who is a douchebag. Her ex-husband Seal was a lad.

7. Approximate number of nappies changed to date: 14,600

8. Twitter: @heidiklum - 1.3m followers

9. Hottest moment: All her life

10: Most celebrated role: Victoria’s Secret Angel

QUANTUM OF MILF: 10 / 10

Number 4: Lily Aldridge (Victoria’s Secret Godess)

MILF metrics:

1. Age: 27 (lovely jubbly)

2. Popped sprogs (kids): 1 (newborn)

3. Botox density: 0

4. Plastic surgery scale: 0

5. Net worth: $5m+ (based on Caleb Followil’s net worth)

6. Spouse - douchebag or lad?: Caleb Followil (lad)

7. Approximate number of nappies changed to date: 908

8. Twitter: @lilaldridge - 123k followers

9. Hottest moment: Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show 2012

10: Most celebrated role: Victoria’s Secret Angel

QUANTUM OF MILF: 10 / 10

Number 3: Stifler’s Mom (Jennifer Coolidge)

MILF metrics:

1. Age: 51 (mature, but refined woman)

2. Popped sprogs (kids): 3 (The Stiffmeister is equal to 3 newborns)

3. Botox density: π

4. Plastic surgery scale: π/3

5. Net worth: Single Malt 18years (just the way she likes it)

6. Spouse - Jim’s Dad

7. Approximate number of nappies changed to date: 77,893,984

8. Twitter: Social media distracts from reality

9. Hottest moment: Getting it on with Jim’s dad

10: Most celebrated role: Nurse for Finch

QUANTUM OF MILF: 11 / 10

Number 2: Courteney Cox (Queen of Cougar Town)

MILF metrics:

1. Age: 48 (looks abso-bloody-lutely ridonkulous for her age)

2. Popped sprogs (kids): 1 

3. Botox density: 2*π

4. Plastic surgery scale: 2.3*π

5. Net worth: $75m

6. Spouse - douchebag or lad?: David Arquette (lad)

7. Approximate number of nappies changed to date: 3,650

8. Twitter: @thecourteneycox - 55k followers

9. Hottest moment: New advert for Cougar Town 

10: Most celebrated role: Monica from Friends

QUANTUM OF MILF: 7 / 10

Number 1: Shakira Shakira

MILF metrics:

1. Age: 36 (not too shabby)

2. Popped sprogs (kids): 1 (newborn)

3. Botox density: 0

4. Plastic surgery scale: 0

5. Net worth: $200m

6. Spouse - douchebag or lad?: Pique (lad)

7. Approximate number of nappies changed to date: 84

8. Twitter: @shakira - 19.7m followers

9. Hottest moment: All moments (especially hips don’t lie and whenever, wherever videos)

10: Records sold: 60m

QUANTUM OF MILF: 10 / 10